小学英语幽默阅读
❶ 英语幽默小故事 小学的
I\'m Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
A: Which do you find more important, money or friends?
B: Friends, of course.
A: Why?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.
约会
When the young waitress in the café in Tom\'s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
❷ 求小学生英语幽默故事
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl ring the whole trip.
英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招
由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。
然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。
又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
❸ 适合小学生阅读的英语小笑话要带翻译
1.Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"
"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”
“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了开心而已。”
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁玩的更开心呢？”
2.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”
3.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。
母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”
露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”
❹ 小学英语课堂的幽默知识有哪些
咱们是同行，学生都说我很幽默，但你要让我总结幽默语言有哪回些，我还真说不好。因为幽答默是一个人的性格，作为教师，在课堂教学中，会遇到许多许多突发情况，老师的性格不同，解决的方法也不相同——有的老师严厉、有的老师幽默……我从没有在备课时想好在今天的课堂上用哪几句幽默的语言，那真的是自然而然、水到渠成的事。
❺ 小学生 英语幽默小短文
The Three Lazy Ones
A king had three sons whom he loved equally well， and he did not know which of them to appoint as king following his own death.
When the time came for him to die he called them to his bed and said， “Dear children， I have thought of something that I will reveal to you. The one of you is the laziest shall become king after me.”
The oldest one said， “Father， then the kingdom belongs to me， for I am so lazy that whenever I lie down to sleep， and a drop falls into my eyes， I will not even close them so that I can fall asleep.”
The second one said， “Father， the kingdom belongs to me， for I am so lazy that when I am sitting by the fire warming myself， I would rather let my heels burn up than to pull my legs back.”
The third one said， “Father， the kingdom is mine， for I am so lazy that if I were going to be hanged and already had the rope around my neck， and someone put into my hand a sharp knife with which to cut the rope， I would let myself be hanged rather than to lift my hand up to the rope.”
在一个遥远的地方，有一个国王，他有三个儿子，对每一个儿子他都非常喜爱，他不知道自己死后应该把王位传给他们三个中的哪一个。所以，当他快要死的时候，就把他们叫到身边说：“亲爱的孩子们，在我死后，你们三个中谁最懒，谁就继承我的王位。”老大说：“既然这样，这王位就是我的，因为我是最懒的儿子，当我躺下睡觉时，有任何东西落到我的眼睛里，我也懒得去擦掉，即使不能把眼睛闭上，我仍然会继续睡觉。”二儿子说：“爸爸，王位应该传给我，因为我是最懒的儿子。当我坐在火边取暖的时候，就是火燃到我的脚趾，我也懒得把腿收回来。”第三个儿子说：“爸爸，这王位是我的，因为我是你最懒的儿子，如果我就要被吊起来，绳子已经套在了脖子上，有人把一把锋利的小刀塞在我手里，要我切断绳子，我宁愿被吊起来也懒得抬起手把绳子割断。”
❻ 小学英语幽默 短文
(1)幽默短文 Five Hundred Times 五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。
(2)幽默小短文 I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
❼ 给我几个小学生读的风趣幽默的英语小故事吧!急用!
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
❽ 适合小学生阅读的英语笑话
1. Virtue
Many years after receiving my graate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
2. Difference
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," observed the instructor in one of my graate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
5. Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
英文谚语大全
http://www.cqwlzx.com/Article/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=275
Each bird loves to hear himself sing. 鸟儿都爱听自己唱歌。
Each day brings its own bread. 天无绝人之路。
Each man is the architect of his own fate. 命运掌握在自己手中。
Eagles catch no flies. 大人物不计较小事情。
Eagles fly alone, but sheep flock together. 鹰单飞，羊群集。
Early mistakes are the seeds of future trouble. 早期的错误可以酿成日后的麻烦。
Early sow, early mow. 播种早的收获早。
Early start makes easy stages. 早开始是成功的保证。
Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. 早睡早起，令人健康、富有而且聪明。
❾ 小学的英语幽默小短文！！！！越短越好
I know who God is!
A boy says to her mother, "Mom, is God a man or woman?"
The mom thinks a while and says, "Well, son, God is both man and woman."
The son is confused, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
The mother replies, "God is both black and white, honey."
The son, still curious, says after a while, "Is God gay or straight, mommy?"
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, "Son, God is both gay and straight."
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: "Is God Michael Jackson?"
【2】
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
A little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right." said a gentleman. " Don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb. 'Barking dogs don't bite'?"
"Ah, yes." answered the little boy. " I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too.
Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor, telling the man how clever his son was.
"The boy is only two years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He's going to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."
He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf, placed Bobby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe.
"What's that, Bobby?" "
Horsey, " said Bobby. Next of a tiger was shown, and Bobby said, "Pussy." Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of lion, and Bobby said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, Bobby said, "Daddy!"
布朗非常欣赏他的小儿子。一次他和一位客人聊他的儿子有多聪明。 布朗说：“他只有两岁，就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来，我让你看看。”
他从书架上拿下一本自然书，把博比抱到膝上，打开书。指着一张长颈鹿的画片。
“博比，这是什么？” “马马，”博比回答。 他又指了一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。” 然后布朗又指了一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。” 他又指了一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸！” [注]horsey: 马（儿语） pussy：猫咪（儿语）