英语笑话高中课前

⑴ 高中英语笑话带翻译，短篇

1、, pull my finger!
唉，我要放屁咯！（美国人暗示别人自己要放屁时用pull my finger，非常地道的美语哦！）

2、 I don't care if it's on sale, 300 dollars is way to much for a designer dress.
我才不管现在是不是打折呢！300美元买一件名牌裙子也太贵了！

3、Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
哦！不要停下来问路吧，我相信你肯定能找到去那儿的路。

4、Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
亲爱的，你会不会觉得这件衣服显得我屁股太小？

5、Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
我们的关系能不能有点实质性的进展？我受够了“我们只是朋友”。

6、Ohh, this diamond is way to big!
哦！这颗钻石实在是太大了！

7、Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
我们今天晚上能不能不要聊天、只看电视啊？

8、What do you mean today's our anniversary?
啊？今天是我们结婚纪念日？

1、We never talk anymore.
人家再也不跟你说话了啦！

2、Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
嘿，你试穿的时候我来帮你拿包包。

3、 Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
哦！星期一晚上看什么足球赛啊，我们来看《飞跃情海》吧！（女生超爱的电视连续剧。）

4、While I'm up, can I get you anything?
我起身的时候，要帮你（顺手）拿点儿什么吗？

5、 Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
哦！安东尼·巴德拉斯和布拉德·皮特？我一定要看那部电影！

6、 Here honey, you use the remote.
给，亲爱的，你来用遥控器吧。

1、Betty:"I fell last night, unconscious for eight hours."
贝蒂：“我昨晚摔了一跤，昏迷了8个小时。”
Hetty:"How dreadful! Where did you fall?"
赫蒂：“真可怕！你在哪里摔的？”
Betty:"I fell asleep."
贝蒂：“我是在睡梦中。”

2、Tommy:"Are flies good to eat?"
汤米：“苍蝇好吃吗？”
Dad:"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
爸爸：“我想不好吃。你为什么这样问？”
Tommy:"There was one in your pie."
汤米：“刚才你的馅饼里面有一只。”

3、Mother:"Why were you kept after school today, Johnny?"
妈妈：“今天放学后，你为什么要被留下来，约翰尼？”
Johnny:"Teacher told us to write an essay on 'The Result of Laziness', and I turned in an blank sheet of paper."
约翰尼：“老师让我们写一篇作文《懒惰的后果》，我交了一张白纸。”

4、I was putting cream on my face when my little girl asked what I was doing. I explained that it was good for wrinkles.
我向脸上抹面霜时，小女儿问我在干什么。我解释说这种面霜对皱纹有好处。
"It's sure doing a great job, mommy," she replied."You are getting more of them."
她回答说：“妈妈，它肯定很管用。你的皱纹越来越多了。”

小笑话出自： http://www.xiao89.com/portal.php?mod=view&aid=1462

⑵ 英语课前五分钟笑话

可以选一个

⑶ 高一演讲英语笑话

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"

"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"

这是我随便挑的，http://www.the-jokes.com 是国外的笑话网站 绝对够你用了呵呵

⑷ 高一英语短篇笑话

Why do fish live in water?
(鱼为什么要在水里来生活源？)
Cats can't swin.
(因为猫不会游泳。)

What is the longest word in the English language?
(英语里最长的单词是什么？)
It's “smiles”,because there's a mile between the beginning and end of it.
（是“微笑”。因为这个单词从首字母到尾字母之间是一英里。）

Bell:“What kind of dog is that?”
（比尔：“那是只什么狗？”）
Ben:“He is a police dog.”
（本：“它是只警犬。”）
Bell:“He doesn't look much like a police dog to me."
（比尔：“我觉得它看起来不像。”）
Bell:“Of course not.He is a plain clothes police dog!”
（本：“那当然。它是一只便衣警犬！”）

注意：我是自己手打的哦，很累的啦。拜托多给点分啦！

⑸ 要一个超级搞笑的英语笑话带中文翻译，高中水平

Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两内块蛋糕吗？
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！容

Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈：玛丽，你为什么这样大喊大叫的？ 为什么不能像艾迪那样安安静静的玩儿呢？你看艾迪一声儿都不出。
玛丽：妈妈，艾迪当然不会出声了，因为我们俩正在玩爸爸回家迟到的游戏呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。

⑹ 谁知道一些英语笑话（带翻译）简单点，课前演讲用的

There is a wanderful old Italian joke...
about a poor man who goes to church everyday...
and prays before the statue of a great saint,begging:
"dear saint,please,please,please...let me win the lottery".
Finally,the exasperated statue comes to life...
and looks down at the begging man and says:"My dear son,
please,please,plaese buy a ticket！"
中文：意大利有一来个源和好笑的老笑话，
说一个穷人每天都去教堂
在一个胜任的雕像面前祈祷：
“圣人啊，行行好 行行好，你就让我中彩票吧。”
被激怒的圣人最终忍不住显灵
向下看着祈祷的穷人说：
“我亲爱的孩子，那你也该买张彩票吧！”

希望可以帮到你！

⑺ 谁能给我个很好笑的英语笑话，高中阶段的

搞笑的英语小笑话1：Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

搞笑的英语小笑话2：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
搞笑的英语小笑话3：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌?
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
搞笑的英语小笑话4：Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
搞笑的英语小笑话5：Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聪明的儿子
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
搞笑的英语小笑话6：Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
搞笑的英语小笑话7：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
搞笑的英语小笑话8：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
搞笑的英语小笑话9：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
搞笑的英语小笑话10：Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗?
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

⑻ 课前一分钟英语小笑话

外国要钢笔pen百货大妈给他一个盆

⑼ 带翻译的英语笑话 课前演讲用 高二学生能听懂的 急急急!!!

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。
Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

⑽ 高中英语笑话

To Be Polite
One day,Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner.As soon as the waiter took out two steaks,Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that:"When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill:"If you had the chance to pick first,which one would you pick?"
Tom:"The smaller piece,of course."
Bill:"What are you whining about then?The smaller piece is what you want,right?"
学会礼貌
一天,比尔和汤姆去餐馆吃饭.当服务员端上两份牛排时,比尔迅速地为自己拿了比较大的那块.
汤姆对此很不开心：“你什么时候能学会礼貌?”
比尔说：“如果让你先拿,你会拿哪个?”
汤姆说：“当然是小的那个.”
比尔：“那你还抱怨什么?小的那个不就是你想要的,不是吗?”