大学英语搞笑剧本

⑴ 谁有5人搞笑英语短剧剧本

你去找度娘

⑵ 求大学英语剧剧本

The Gifts （礼物）－英语剧本(中英对照的,就在这个网站里:)

http://www.ifeet.cn/blogview.asp?logID=102

英文剧本，英文短剧剧本，英文电影剧本，英文话剧
http://www.k555.cn/soft/

Little Duck: Hello, this is Little Duck speaking. Who’s that? Oh, dear Grandma. Yes, I’m fine. I miss you very much. I’ll come to visit you this morning. Good bye.

Little Duck:: Wow! What a sunny day! I’m going to visit my grandma.

（猫先生正在河边捉鱼。但是他总是抓不到。）

Little Duck: Good morning, Mr. Cat. How are you?

Mr. Cat: Fine. Thank you, and you?

Little Duck: I’m fine, too. What are you doing?

Mr. Cat: I’m catching fish! Look! It’s a big fish! But I can’t catch it!

Little Duck: Don’t worry. Let me help you.

（小鸭子跳入河里，帮猫先生捉到了鱼。）

Little Duck: Here you are. Have a good meal.

Mr. Cat: Thank you. It’s so kind of you.

Little Duck: My pleasure.（抬头看看天色）I have to go now.

Mr. Goat: Help! Help!

Little Duck: Who’s crying?

Mr. Cat: I don’t know.

Little Duck: Let’s go and see.

Mr. Cat: Alright.

（小鸭子和猫先生一起四处寻找。）

Mr. Cat: Here! It’s Mr. Goat!

Little Duck: What’s wrong with you, Mr. Goat?

Mr. Goat: I was running with singing. But I ran too fast and fell down. My leg is broken. I can’t stand up.

Little Duck: Don’t worry. Let me help you. Mr. Cat, can you do me a favor?

Mr. Cat: Sure.

（他们把山羊先生扶起来。然后一起送山羊先生回了家。）

Mr. Goat: Thank you very much.

Little Duck: It’s alright. Oh, it’s too late. I have to go now.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Where are you going?

Little Duck: I’m going to visit my grandma.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Thank you for helping us.

Little Duck: It’s my pleasure.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Have a good time!

Little Duck: I will. Good bye!

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Good bye!

英语小剧本-----小红帽
Little Red Riding Hood
第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!
Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.

Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.

Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二场：在路上
(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby cks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby cks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三场：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.
Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)
Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!
Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (应声倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．
Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you

⑶ 我想要一个大学英语搞笑剧本

《恶来搞自灰姑娘》http://www.56.com/u79/v_MjM1NzcyOTI.html

⑷ 大学英语小品剧本搞笑的

mei

⑸ 求大学生搞笑英语短剧剧本 急啊

Comedy jokes (screenplay)
The first three to play, with comments. A, then up.
A: (suddenly, snapped) collection! ! !
(Four quick points good team, stood in a team, facing the audience.)
A: The most brutal military training now! (They laugh, talk)
Shut up -----! ! (Silence!) My name is Chen, I hope that we actively work with! (Applause)
A: The first project will now proceed to military training, "attention" (that's very strict, severe) Attention! -
B: (At this point we are idle, Mr. B was standing there, head toward the day, thoughtfully think about. Suddenly heard his tone "------" then a look at PHS him, but he did not know if the same, so are quickly picked up his PHS) Mary ------, feed it? ---- Oh, like the red rose or black rose it! (Listen for a while) OK! I walked piece of the World, hell and high water, but also for you to find it! ! OK! Bye ----!

(Answer the phone at the same time, we are all laughing at him, only a silent)
A: What are you doing?
(B a little bit embarrassed, but did not say anything, just head low)
(C subsequently interrupted)
C: instructors, you do not know, he's captured the hearts of thousands of women, but our so-called, on the 80-year-old grandmother, down to the XI-year-old girl "in Mr. B Yeah.
A: (C finished so quickly grasped the hand of B) Are you on the rivers and lakes is known as the "jade tree, smooth and slick," the ...... what is it (the other people laugh)
Good, though you are heroes, but also to listen to my instructors!
B: YES, SIR! (Quickly at attention!)

The military the second "goose" is now asking the students one by one to go!
(The previous three were normal, but small, he used his special turtle-step)
A: (shaking his head while watching the others laugh and talk, and some find fault with the)
Listen! -, What did you go? (Gesturing) What is this, you know?
D: (shaking his head side of his mouth) Do not know
A: My family has raised the turtle (pointing to him) so you walk like a turtle it! My Big Brother it! (Said as he stamps his feet)
D: (two-hand into a fist) Thank you very much (audience laughs pull)
(At this time a nearly pull air down and do the movements.)
A: It is now done in situ transfer method. To do - turn!

(I saw standing blankly C, A sent away to other people, and then tap on his back)
C: (very loudly) Yeah! !
(A shocked)
A: like what? My little brother maybe - it was a kookaburra!
D: (D rob said something) No, he is a papaya!
A: Papaya has a mouth, not to become a kookaburra it?
C: (stamped) My God? Papaya change kookaburra, not more then spent it? (Look in the mirror), a hairstyle, after doing a good job.
A: stand at attention. Now go back with me again (walking)

(All laugh)
A: It is now resting place
Four people together, crow up, he engaged in a hair (a walk in the front, they walk in the back, C picked up the hat of a fling, do not know the whereabouts of a hand on things)
A: Who took my hat pulled?
Four: Just a gust of wind came.
Took out a mirror from his pocket and quickly took pictures.
A: The hair is not messy, okay.

⑹ 大学生搞笑英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

⑺ 高分求 大学幽默英语剧本

梁祝
The Butterfly Lovers
第一幕 佳人倩影
英台：「Good morning teacher I’m 祝英台 ,the master祝’s daughter. I have been yearning to study for a long time. And I have been eager to enter this school since I was a child. Could you give me a chance?」走到教室门口 向老师说
老师：「What? You are a girl. Don’t you know that it is not the place for a woman to study? A woman has no talent other then to marry and bear children. You just go home and find a man without concern to marry. Woman, your name is ‘loser’ 」不屑状 拿扇子敲英台头
英台：「 Where there is a will there is a way, you know?哼」跺脚＋生气的走掉
After coming home, she feels so angry and discontented. She takes a can of spray paint, sneaks into the school and is dying to… that’s right, she spray paints the wall, until the can runs out of paint. She stops painting and feels tired. As she readies to home, she drops her handkerchief to the floor but doesn’t realize this.
山伯：「Oh, what a gorgeous babe!」山伯路过学校，与英台擦肩而过，吃惊的说。且看到地上有那位姑娘掉的手帕，便顺手捡起来。「Hope I could return the handkerchief to her next time when I meet her」

第二幕 拜访 启程

The next morning the teacher entered the classroom and found out that the wall had been destroyed and was in a mess. He was so shocked and angry! After checking his surveillance camera, he knows it was that rough girl, 英台, with whom he had an awkward interaction the last morning. The teacher went to 祝家 immediately…
老师：「Master祝,please take your daughter in your hand. I know she truly likes painting, but she cannot take my classroom as a canvas!! She actually took advantage of darkness of the night and left the room in a mess. Making up for your daughter’s fault is your responsibility.」歇斯底里状 比手画脚的快杀人样

祝父：「Oh my god!! That stupid girl! What good things she did! I just want to kill her now! Sorry, teacher, I’ll punish her. Please don’t make what happened widely known and I will pay for the damages.」

祝父安抚老师，送出门去，冲进家里
祝父（大叫）：「英台，Come out of that damn room right now and come in to the living room. I said ‘now’; not tomorrow, not next year, NOW!」英台困惑地走出来
祝父骂：「What’s wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? You actually caused a lot of trouble at the school! You have lost the face of the 祝 family.」羞愧地摸额头摇头
英台：「That wasn’t my original intention. The fuddy-ddy didn’t give me the admission to the school. Papa, you’ve always rapped me over the knuckles and nagged on my head since I was a child, and...and you don’t even know how much of my favorite paint I had to waste because of that…square headed teacher. If he and you still forbid me from entering school then… I’m not sure if I will be able to stop my hands from opening the other cans of paint.」
英台威胁 祝父惊吓状，发抖地一语不发。祝母跑进
祝母：「Honey, calm down. Keep your cool and let her go.」扶祝父手痛哭状 英台得意貌
祝父：「All right, just do what you want. When you reach the age of maturity, I will let you leave this house. And then you will know what the real world is really like.」。。。。。。

⑻ 要一个大学生英文话剧剧本，不用太长，十五六分钟就行，六个人演，台词简单点，搞笑点的，急需

《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.

Action II

（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲
Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁
Yes.

荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

李莫愁
Are you challenging me?

荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

李莫愁
Come on!

音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.

荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.

太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

结束！

⑼ 急求大学英语搞笑六人剧本（越多越好，女生演的）

一天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。烦人的女孩、孕妇、抢匪、不管事的警察，甚至还遇到了鬼。。。

Cast

Erin Chang: Robber

Debby Tsai: Police officer

Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl

Alec Zhao: Ghost student

Leo Lee: Taxi driver

Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman

——————————————————————————–

Summary

This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day. First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him. Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous. Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic. At last, he carries a ghost student.

Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy. Serving you is my honor. Where would you like to go?

Betel nut girl: Hi! Tommy. I’m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.

Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem. Um? I remember there’s only a Chong-Shan East Road. Miss, are you sure you’re going to Chong-Shan North Road?

Betel nut girl: Um, I’m not sure. You just drive. Maybe I will remember where it is later.

Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You’re probably not married since you’re so young. Do you have a girlfriend?

Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road. Do you want to have a look?

Betel nut girl: Oh! Not here. By the way, don’t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.

Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I’ll scream!

Betel nut girl: I did nothing! You just missed a nice chance. Stop the car, I want to get off.

Tommy: (Relived) Great! The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.

Betel nut girl: Um! Take it!

Pregnant woman: Hey! Taxi!

Pregnant woman: Thanks. You are real a very kind man.

Tommy: Where are you going?

Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.

Tommy: You’re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.

Pregnant woman: Yeah. It’s almost nine months.

Tommy: Woo. Congratulations.

Pregnant woman: Thank you.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Are you ok?

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can. Stay down.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: We’re almost there.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Here we are.

Pregnant woman: Are we at the hospital? Well, how much is it?

Tommy: Aren’t you going into labor?

Pregnant woman: Me? Are you kidding? It’s still a long time before the expected date of childbirth.

Tommy: What? Well, what were you just doing?

Pregnant woman: Oh, I was just practicing! This is my first time to have a baby, you know. Practice makes perfect! I need to be ready so it will go smoothly.

Tommy: Practice! All right… well, the total is one hundred twenty dollars.

Tommy: This woman was so strange! I thought she was going to deliver the baby in my car!

Robber: Get out of here, quickly!

Tommy: A strange pregnant woman just got off my car and now here comes a robber.

Tommy: Where do you want to go?

Robber: Shut up! Just drive!

Tommy: Hey…Hey. Be careful, there’s no eye in bullets.

Robber: Shut up! Just drive your car.

Tommy: Ok! Ok! You are the boss.

Robber: Hum…your gold necklace is very good looking. If it were on my neck, that would be nice.

Tommy: Oh…com…come on, don’t do this to me. This is a fake one. I just try to look tough by wearing it.

Robber: STOP nonsense!! Don’t treat me like a fool, I warn you! I will shoot you!

Tommy: OK! OK! Take it easy. My mouth is sealed.

Robber: …. I don’t want to do this …really… but I have 6 brothers, 7 sisters and 8 kids to feed. I even have to sell chewing gums, raise pigs. The worse of all, my husband just got out of the jail…I really have no choice.

Tommy: Don’t be so sad…. Here is tissue.

Robber: Thank you. Now give me your gold necklace! Hurry up! Do you want to eat bullets!!

Tommy: But…but…but….

Robber: Just hand it to me or I’ll become a really bad guy!!

Tommy: I don’t want to die yet.

The police: Beep~Beep~ stop the car.

Tommy: OH! Thank God! I am safe now! Hey, cop, a robber wants to rob me and….

Police officer: Show me your license and registration.

Tommy: But…sir.…I got a robber in my back….

Police officer: I only watch out for traffic! The public security is not my business.

Tommy: Not your business? But…

Police officer: Here’s your ticket. You were speeding.

Tommy: But I got a robber in my car! She told me if I couldn’t drive fast enough, she’d shoot me.

Police officer: And where is the robber?

Tommy: Just right over….what!! She’s gone; she was here just now….

<
p>Police officer: See….your lie is stupid… Remember to take the ticket.

Tommy: Sir! Sir!

Tommy: I’m so unlucky. Today is not my day! Oh, no! How did I come to this middle-of-nowhere? Someone’s waving at me. Who would take a taxi in this strange place?

Tommy: Hello! Serving you is my honor. Where do you want to go? Ghost student: To my home, please.

Tommy: Um…can you say it more clearly? I don’t know where your home is.

Ghost student: Oh, my home is located on Ta-Du Mountain.

Tommy: No problem. Um… it’s an unusual place to live.

Ghost student: Yes. It’s very special. My ancestors all lived here.

Tommy: Oh! You’ve lived here for a long time, right?

Ghost student: That’s right.

Tommy: Here we are, but I don’t see any houses around. By the way, it’s so dark here.

Ghost student: Don’t be so surprised. We’re in the mountain.

Tommy: Are you sure your home is here?

Ghost student: Yes. How much is it?

Tommy: Um…The total is 100 dollars.

Ghost student: I only have a 500 dollars bill.

Tommy: That’s OK, I can give you change.

Ghost student: There you go.

Tommy: Um… What’s this?

Ghost student: Money.

Tommy: But…where did he go? Oh, no!…This is…ghost money…(screaming)