大学三分钟英语搞笑故事

㈠ 急求一篇英语幽默小故事，三分钟左右。

Let
me
take
it
down
An
elephant
said
to
a
mouse
,"no
doubt
that
you
are
the
smallest
znd
most
useless
thing
that
Ihave
e
ver
seen
."
"Pless
,say
it
again
.Let
me
take
it
down
."the
mouse
said
."I
will
tell
a
flea
what
I
know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西.”
“请再说一遍,让我把它记下来.”老鼠说.“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
Fox
and
cock
One
morning
a
fox
sees
a
cock.He
think,"This
is
my
breakfast.''
He
comes
up
to
the
cock
and
says,"I
know
you
can
sing
very
well.Can
you
sing
for
me?''The
cock
is
glad.He
closes
his
eyes
and
begins
to
sing.The
fox
sees
that
and
caches
him
in
his
mouth
and
carries
him
away.The
people
in
the
field
see
the
fox.They
cry,"Look,look!The
fox
is
carrying
the
cock
away.''The
cock
says
to
the
fox,"Mr
Fox,do
you
understand?The
people
say
you
are
carrying
their
cock
away.Tell
them
it
is
yours.Not
theirs.''
The
fox
opens
his
mouth
ang
says,"The
cock
is
mine,not
yours.''Just
then
the
cock
runs
away
from
the
fox
and
flies
into
the
tree.狐狸和公鸡
一天早上,一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡.他想：这是我的早餐.他朝公鸡走来,对他说：“我知道,你能唱得很好听,你能唱给我听么?”公鸡特别开心.他闭上眼睛开始唱歌.狐狸看到这些抓住它叼到自己的嘴里走了.在田地里的人们看到了狐狸.大喊大叫：“看,看!狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了.”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生,你能理解么?人们认为你叼走了公鸡.告诉他们这是你的,不是他们的.”
狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的,不是你们的.”就在那时,公鸡跑到了树下.

㈡ 关于三分钟英语幽默小故事有哪些

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

㈢ 英文3分钟幽默小故事

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

㈣ 求一篇英语的幽默故事，三分钟左右，在线等

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.

So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?"
这个故事也是在网上找的。看看合适吗。不知道你在什么水平。有两百字左右，应该可以讲三分钟吧。还挺有意思的，生词也不多。

㈤ 大学生3分钟英语搞笑故事带翻译

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷
一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。
警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。
警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。
幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

㈥ 求一篇可以讲三分钟的英文有趣的小故事。。

immy: What key has legs and can't open doors?
Helen: A turkey.

Jimmy: 哪种钥匙有腿，但不能开门？

Helen: 火鸡。
A Smart Housewife.

A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

精明的家庭主妇

一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”
But the teacher cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

可是老师哭了

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”

“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

㈦ 求一个三分钟的英文小故事或笑话（带中文翻译）

Helen

Helen was the most beautiful woman of the world．She was an infamous lady．She lighted the flames of the Trojan war and brought extreme destruction on the city of Troy．Helen was the daughter of Zeus．Helen's matchless beauty and charms drew towards her many heroes from all parts of Greece.

When still small she was carried off by Theseus，who wished to have a divine wife ．But she was rescued later by her brother Castor，and brought back to her native land．Her stepfather married her to Menelaus，king of Sparta．

Nothing of importance had happened to her married life until Paris came to visit Sparta．Helen was attracted by Paris' lovely face．They stole one another's love in the absence of Menelausand then eloped on board a ship to Troy．Helen left her young daughter behind．To get Helen back，the Greek army sailed across and laid a long siege to the city of Troy ．

Helen was quietly weaving her story into a web of golden carpet one day when she was called up the city walls of Troy to look at the fighting between Menelaus and Paris．Menelaus was determined to kill Paris in the battle．Sitting by the side of King Priam，she told the chiefs of the Greek side to him．Tears of love filled up her eyes when she saw her first husband down below．After Paris fled the field she had the feelings of love and scorn．She encouraged Hector and Paris to take the field again and sincerely mourned the death of the true hero Hector. But when Odysseus and Diomedes came in disguise to steal the Palladium，she helped them to do so as much as she could．After Paris died in battle she became the wife of another son of Priam．

In the meantime Menelaus was anxiously searching for Helen in the ruined palaces of Troy．Aphrodite had made Helen more beautiful，so that，when he finally found her trembling in a corner，Menelaus was most unwilling to bring his sword down on her charming face．Menelaus felt secretly overjoyed to have his wife back again．Following Menelaus through the ruins of the city，Helen felt ashamed of her impure behaviour．And she was truly scared at the terrible fate she was to have in the Greek Camp．

Once more her beauty saved her．No one could bring him self to thrust his sword into such a charming and graceful lady．In the tent of Menelaus she threw herself at the feet of the Spartan king，asking for forgiveness ．Moved by the scene，Menelaus helped her up and let her forget the past．He held her in his arms while she had tears of grief and happiness．The pair loved each other like before and vanished in the far west．

海伦是世上最美丽的女人。她也是一位臭名昭著的女人。她点燃了特洛伊的战火，并给特洛伊城造成了巨大的破坏。海伦是宙斯的女儿。她无可匹敌的美丽和魁力使希腊各地的英雄们都迷恋于她。她小的时候被提修斯掠走。提修斯想有一个神性的妻子。但后来海伦被其兄卡斯特救出，带回到了故土。海伦的继父将她嫁给了斯巴达的国王墨涅劳斯。

在帕利斯来访斯巴达之前，海伦的婚姻生活比较平静。海伦被帕利斯可爱的面容迷住。当墨涅劳斯国王不在时，他们就相互偷情，之后一起乘船私奔到了特洛伊城。海伦将幼小的女儿留在了斯巴达。为了夺回海伦，希腊军队越过海峡，将特洛伊城紧紧包围。

一天正当海伦静静地将自己的经历编织成一块金色的地毯时，有人叫她在特洛伊城上观看墨涅劳斯和帕利斯的决斗。墨涅劳斯决心杀死帕利斯。坐在皮安姆国王旁边，她将希腊一方的首领告诉了国王。当她看到城墙下前夫的身影时，爱的热泪流满了眼帘。帕利斯战败逃离战场后，她的感觉是既爱又卑视。她鼓励海格特和帕利斯再次走上战场，并真诚地为真正的英雄海格特的死而哀痛。但当奥德修斯和狄俄墨德斯化装后来偷窃雅典娜神像时，她竭尽全力帮助了她们。帕利斯战死后，她成了皮安姆国王另一个儿子的妻子。

与此同时墨涅劳斯焦急地在毁坏的特洛伊宫中寻找海伦。爱神阿芙罗狄蒂使海伦变得更美丽了。结果当墨涅劳斯终于发现躲在角落中发抖的海伦时，极不情愿将利剑刺向她那迷人的面孔。而他内心正为夺回海伦暗自高兴，海伦跟随墨涅劳斯穿过特洛伊城的废墟，她深为自己的不洁行为感到耻辱。一想到自己将在希腊军营中遭受的命运，她就心惊胆颤。

她的美丽再次拯救了她。没有人能忍心将剑刺向令人销魂，妩媚动人的女子之身。在墨涅劳斯的帐篷中，海伦跪在斯巴达国王的脚下，乞求饶恕。看到眼前的情形，墨涅劳斯深受感动，他扶起海伦，让她忘掉过去的一切。墨涅劳斯将她抱起来时，海伦的两眼流出幸福与悲伤的泪水。他们俩像以前那样相爱，一同消失在遥远的西方。 提问人的追问 2010-02-02 19:46 …好长…有些单词不认识… 回答人的补充 2010-02-05 12:37 Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

这个行吗

㈧ 英语故事带翻译 幽默 3分钟左右

The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。 于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”