英語笑話高中課前

⑴ 高中英語笑話帶翻譯，短篇

1、, pull my finger!
唉，我要放屁咯！（美國人暗示別人自己要放屁時用pull my finger，非常地道的美語哦！）

2、 I don't care if it's on sale, 300 dollars is way to much for a designer dress.
我才不管現在是不是打折呢！300美元買一件名牌裙子也太貴了！

3、Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
哦！不要停下來問路吧，我相信你肯定能找到去那兒的路。

4、Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
親愛的，你會不會覺得這件衣服顯得我屁股太小？

5、Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
我們的關系能不能有點實質性的進展？我受夠了「我們只是朋友」。

6、Ohh, this diamond is way to big!
哦！這顆鑽石實在是太大了！

7、Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
我們今天晚上能不能不要聊天、只看電視啊？

8、What do you mean today's our anniversary?
啊？今天是我們結婚紀念日？

1、We never talk anymore.
人家再也不跟你說話了啦！

2、Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
嘿，你試穿的時候我來幫你拿包包。

3、 Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
哦！星期一晚上看什麼足球賽啊，我們來看《飛躍情海》吧！（女生超愛的電視連續劇。）

4、While I'm up, can I get you anything?
我起身的時候，要幫你（順手）拿點兒什麼嗎？

5、 Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
哦！安東尼·巴德拉斯和布拉德·皮特？我一定要看那部電影！

6、 Here honey, you use the remote.
給，親愛的，你來用遙控器吧。

1、Betty:"I fell last night, unconscious for eight hours."
貝蒂：「我昨晚摔了一跤，昏迷了8個小時。」
Hetty:"How dreadful! Where did you fall?"
赫蒂：「真可怕！你在哪裡摔的？」
Betty:"I fell asleep."
貝蒂：「我是在睡夢中。」

2、Tommy:"Are flies good to eat?"
湯米：「蒼蠅好吃嗎？」
Dad:"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
爸爸：「我想不好吃。你為什麼這樣問？」
Tommy:"There was one in your pie."
湯米：「剛才你的餡餅裡面有一隻。」

3、Mother:"Why were you kept after school today, Johnny?"
媽媽：「今天放學後，你為什麼要被留下來，約翰尼？」
Johnny:"Teacher told us to write an essay on 'The Result of Laziness', and I turned in an blank sheet of paper."
約翰尼：「老師讓我們寫一篇作文《懶惰的後果》，我交了一張白紙。」

4、I was putting cream on my face when my little girl asked what I was doing. I explained that it was good for wrinkles.
我向臉上抹面霜時，小女兒問我在干什麼。我解釋說這種面霜對皺紋有好處。
"It's sure doing a great job, mommy," she replied."You are getting more of them."
她回答說：「媽媽，它肯定很管用。你的皺紋越來越多了。」

小笑話出自： http://www.xiao89.com/portal.php?mod=view&aid=1462

⑵ 英語課前五分鍾笑話

可以選一個

⑶ 高一演講英語笑話

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"

"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"

這是我隨便挑的，http://www.the-jokes.com 是國外的笑話網站 絕對夠你用了呵呵

⑷ 高一英語短篇笑話

Why do fish live in water?
(魚為什麼要在水裡來生活源？)
Cats can't swin.
(因為貓不會游泳。)

What is the longest word in the English language?
(英語里最長的單詞是什麼？)
It's 「smiles」,because there's a mile between the beginning and end of it.
（是「微笑」。因為這個單詞從首字母到尾字母之間是一英里。）

Bell:「What kind of dog is that?」
（比爾：「那是只什麼狗？」）
Ben:「He is a police dog.」
（本：「它是只警犬。」）
Bell:「He doesn't look much like a police dog to me."
（比爾：「我覺得它看起來不像。」）
Bell:「Of course not.He is a plain clothes police dog!」
（本：「那當然。它是一隻便衣警犬！」）

注意：我是自己手打的哦，很累的啦。拜託多給點分啦！

⑸ 要一個超級搞笑的英語笑話帶中文翻譯，高中水平

Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩內塊蛋糕嗎？
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧！容

Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
媽媽：瑪麗，你為什麼這樣大喊大叫的？ 為什麼不能像艾迪那樣安安靜靜的玩兒呢？你看艾迪一聲兒都不出。
瑪麗：媽媽，艾迪當然不會出聲了，因為我們倆正在玩爸爸回家遲到的游戲呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。

⑹ 誰知道一些英語笑話（帶翻譯）簡單點，課前演講用的

There is a wanderful old Italian joke...
about a poor man who goes to church everyday...
and prays before the statue of a great saint,begging:
"dear saint,please,please,please...let me win the lottery".
Finally,the exasperated statue comes to life...
and looks down at the begging man and says:"My dear son,
please,please,plaese buy a ticket！"
中文：義大利有一來個源和好笑的老笑話，
說一個窮人每天都去教堂
在一個勝任的雕像面前祈禱：
「聖人啊，行行好 行行好，你就讓我中彩票吧。」
被激怒的聖人最終忍不住顯靈
向下看著祈禱的窮人說：
「我親愛的孩子，那你也該買張彩票吧！」

希望可以幫到你！

⑺ 誰能給我個很好笑的英語笑話，高中階段的

搞笑的英語小笑話1：Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

搞笑的英語小笑話2：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒!」
「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。
「沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?」
「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」
搞笑的英語小笑話3：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰更有禮貌?
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什麼時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
搞笑的英語小笑話4：Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，「我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很乾凈很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?」
旅館主人立即回了封信，「我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者牆上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
搞笑的英語小笑話5：Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來後,父親問他:「你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?」 「當然」「你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?」
「我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫」「那你為什麼不拿回來呢?」
「我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!」
搞笑的英語小笑話6：Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把腳放進去
一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裡起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。「瑪麗!」老師嚴厲地叫她。「什麼事，老師?」這女學生問。「把口香糖從嘴裡拿出來，把腳放進去。」
搞笑的英語小笑話7：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒!」
「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。
「沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?」
「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」
搞笑的英語小笑話8：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」
搞笑的英語小笑話9：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒?
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀!」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」
搞笑的英語小笑話10：Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?」

⑻ 課前一分鍾英語小笑話

外國要鋼筆pen百貨大媽給他一個盆

⑼ 帶翻譯的英語笑話 課前演講用 高二學生能聽懂的 急急急!!!

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字

布朗夫人：哦，

親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！

布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一個引擎

一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」

The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝嗇鬼請客

一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」

「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」

「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？

-- 墓地守墓人。
Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個打贏的吧

-- 服務員，

這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。

-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。

-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

醫生住在樓下

「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。

「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」

他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」

⑽ 高中英語笑話

To Be Polite
One day,Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner.As soon as the waiter took out two steaks,Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that:"When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill:"If you had the chance to pick first,which one would you pick?"
Tom:"The smaller piece,of course."
Bill:"What are you whining about then?The smaller piece is what you want,right?"
學會禮貌
一天,比爾和湯姆去餐館吃飯.當服務員端上兩份牛排時,比爾迅速地為自己拿了比較大的那塊.
湯姆對此很不開心：「你什麼時候能學會禮貌?」
比爾說：「如果讓你先拿,你會拿哪個?」
湯姆說：「當然是小的那個.」
比爾：「那你還抱怨什麼?小的那個不就是你想要的,不是嗎?」