大學英語搞笑劇本

⑴ 誰有5人搞笑英語短劇劇本

你去找度娘

⑵ 求大學英語劇劇本

The Gifts （禮物）－英語劇本(中英對照的,就在這個網站里:)

http://www.ifeet.cn/blogview.asp?logID=102

英文劇本，英文短劇劇本，英文電影劇本，英文話劇
http://www.k555.cn/soft/

Little Duck: Hello, this is Little Duck speaking. Who』s that? Oh, dear Grandma. Yes, I』m fine. I miss you very much. I』ll come to visit you this morning. Good bye.

Little Duck:: Wow! What a sunny day! I』m going to visit my grandma.

（貓先生正在河邊捉魚。但是他總是抓不到。）

Little Duck: Good morning, Mr. Cat. How are you?

Mr. Cat: Fine. Thank you, and you?

Little Duck: I』m fine, too. What are you doing?

Mr. Cat: I』m catching fish! Look! It』s a big fish! But I can』t catch it!

Little Duck: Don』t worry. Let me help you.

（小鴨子跳入河裡，幫貓先生捉到了魚。）

Little Duck: Here you are. Have a good meal.

Mr. Cat: Thank you. It』s so kind of you.

Little Duck: My pleasure.（抬頭看看天色）I have to go now.

Mr. Goat: Help! Help!

Little Duck: Who』s crying?

Mr. Cat: I don』t know.

Little Duck: Let』s go and see.

Mr. Cat: Alright.

（小鴨子和貓先生一起四處尋找。）

Mr. Cat: Here! It』s Mr. Goat!

Little Duck: What』s wrong with you, Mr. Goat?

Mr. Goat: I was running with singing. But I ran too fast and fell down. My leg is broken. I can』t stand up.

Little Duck: Don』t worry. Let me help you. Mr. Cat, can you do me a favor?

Mr. Cat: Sure.

（他們把山羊先生扶起來。然後一起送山羊先生回了家。）

Mr. Goat: Thank you very much.

Little Duck: It』s alright. Oh, it』s too late. I have to go now.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Where are you going?

Little Duck: I』m going to visit my grandma.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Thank you for helping us.

Little Duck: It』s my pleasure.

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Have a good time!

Little Duck: I will. Good bye!

Mr. Cat and Mr. Goat: Good bye!

英語小劇本-----小紅帽
Little Red Riding Hood
第一場：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (媽媽拿著一個籃子，把桌子上的水果放在籃子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱著歌，歡快地跑進來）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一邊把水果放在籃子里，心事重重地說）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（邊提起籃子，邊點頭說）Ok!
Mum： （親切地看著Little Red Riding Hood說） Be good. Be careful.

Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.

Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二場：在路上
(一陣輕快的音樂由遠而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎著籃子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下籃子採花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（隨著一陣低沉的音樂，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找東西狀,東張西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的樣子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辮子，天真地回答)To Grandma』s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自語）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（對Little Red Riding Hood說）Hey, look! 6 little baby cks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6隻鴨子隨著音樂翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大樹後）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby cks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We』 re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma』s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三場：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘著氣出場，顫顫悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床邊，喘了幾口，打幾個哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（從樹後出來，邊走邊說）I am very hungry now. (做找尋的樣子)Where is Grandma』 s house? (高興地對觀眾說)Aha , it』s here.(敲門)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（裝出Little Red Riding Hood的聲音，一邊得意地搖動尾巴，一邊說）It』s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (邊說邊起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床邊) Grandma , I』ll eat you.
Grandma： （驚慌失措地抓緊衣服，瞪著眼睛，邊叫迫從床上滾到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翹起大拇指）Yummy！I』ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高興地敲門)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(裝扮成Grandma的聲音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It』s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳著進來，把籃子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回幾步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，邊摸邊說）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(從床上跳起來說)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拚命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃狀，拍拍肚子說）It』s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一邊拿著槍，一邊做尋找狀出場)Where』s the wolf? Look! A door．(推門)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(發出呼呼的響聲)
Hunter： (端起槍想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(從桌子上拿起剪刀，舉起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (從桌子上拿來針線)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬來幾個石頭)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石頭裝進Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起槍)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，兩手托著大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(邊跑邊說) Help! Don』t shot me!
Hunter： （開槍）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (應聲倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．
Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you

⑶ 我想要一個大學英語搞笑劇本

《惡來搞自灰姑娘》http://www.56.com/u79/v_MjM1NzcyOTI.html

⑷ 大學英語小品劇本搞笑的

mei

⑸ 求大學生搞笑英語短劇劇本 急啊

Comedy jokes (screenplay)
The first three to play, with comments. A, then up.
A: (suddenly, snapped) collection! ! !
(Four quick points good team, stood in a team, facing the audience.)
A: The most brutal military training now! (They laugh, talk)
Shut up -----! ! (Silence!) My name is Chen, I hope that we actively work with! (Applause)
A: The first project will now proceed to military training, "attention" (that's very strict, severe) Attention! -
B: (At this point we are idle, Mr. B was standing there, head toward the day, thoughtfully think about. Suddenly heard his tone "------" then a look at PHS him, but he did not know if the same, so are quickly picked up his PHS) Mary ------, feed it? ---- Oh, like the red rose or black rose it! (Listen for a while) OK! I walked piece of the World, hell and high water, but also for you to find it! ! OK! Bye ----!

(Answer the phone at the same time, we are all laughing at him, only a silent)
A: What are you doing?
(B a little bit embarrassed, but did not say anything, just head low)
(C subsequently interrupted)
C: instructors, you do not know, he's captured the hearts of thousands of women, but our so-called, on the 80-year-old grandmother, down to the XI-year-old girl "in Mr. B Yeah.
A: (C finished so quickly grasped the hand of B) Are you on the rivers and lakes is known as the "jade tree, smooth and slick," the ...... what is it (the other people laugh)
Good, though you are heroes, but also to listen to my instructors!
B: YES, SIR! (Quickly at attention!)

The military the second "goose" is now asking the students one by one to go!
(The previous three were normal, but small, he used his special turtle-step)
A: (shaking his head while watching the others laugh and talk, and some find fault with the)
Listen! -, What did you go? (Gesturing) What is this, you know?
D: (shaking his head side of his mouth) Do not know
A: My family has raised the turtle (pointing to him) so you walk like a turtle it! My Big Brother it! (Said as he stamps his feet)
D: (two-hand into a fist) Thank you very much (audience laughs pull)
(At this time a nearly pull air down and do the movements.)
A: It is now done in situ transfer method. To do - turn!

(I saw standing blankly C, A sent away to other people, and then tap on his back)
C: (very loudly) Yeah! !
(A shocked)
A: like what? My little brother maybe - it was a kookaburra!
D: (D rob said something) No, he is a papaya!
A: Papaya has a mouth, not to become a kookaburra it?
C: (stamped) My God? Papaya change kookaburra, not more then spent it? (Look in the mirror), a hairstyle, after doing a good job.
A: stand at attention. Now go back with me again (walking)

(All laugh)
A: It is now resting place
Four people together, crow up, he engaged in a hair (a walk in the front, they walk in the back, C picked up the hat of a fling, do not know the whereabouts of a hand on things)
A: Who took my hat pulled?
Four: Just a gust of wind came.
Took out a mirror from his pocket and quickly took pictures.
A: The hair is not messy, okay.

⑹ 大學生搞笑英語話劇劇本

荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本
旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, 「Yingzheng」. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (畫外音：It』s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀) Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） I』m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I』ve told you again and again that you should call me 「my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan」!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什麼，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然後拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）
荊軻
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荊軻
OK. I』m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers』 world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荊軻
Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音樂起
兩人沖上前來
「人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。。。」
李莫愁倒地
荊軻大笑
李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren』t you hurt?
荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么，不需要麼，需要麼？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荊軻再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to 「How are you」?
荊柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹暈倒
荊柯：Hey, man, I』m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I』m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?
荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荊柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荊柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荊柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What』s the TCM?
荊柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn』t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What』s the TCM?
觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn』t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I』m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……
（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然後荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最後太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向後彎腰並抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）
荊柯(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大話西遊》主題曲響起）
荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在後.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，並拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）
荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）
荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.
妻子:"I promise."
荊軻:"Never let go. 「
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的台詞。）
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去
妻子：It』s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

⑺ 高分求 大學幽默英語劇本

梁祝
The Butterfly Lovers
第一幕 佳人倩影
英台：「Good morning teacher I』m 祝英台 ,the master祝』s daughter. I have been yearning to study for a long time. And I have been eager to enter this school since I was a child. Could you give me a chance?」走到教室門口 向老師說
老師：「What? You are a girl. Don』t you know that it is not the place for a woman to study? A woman has no talent other then to marry and bear children. You just go home and find a man without concern to marry. Woman, your name is 『loser』 」不屑狀 拿扇子敲英台頭
英台：「 Where there is a will there is a way, you know?哼」跺腳＋生氣的走掉
After coming home, she feels so angry and discontented. She takes a can of spray paint, sneaks into the school and is dying to… that』s right, she spray paints the wall, until the can runs out of paint. She stops painting and feels tired. As she readies to home, she drops her handkerchief to the floor but doesn』t realize this.
山伯：「Oh, what a gorgeous babe!」山伯路過學校，與英台擦肩而過，吃驚的說。且看到地上有那位姑娘掉的手帕，便順手撿起來。「Hope I could return the handkerchief to her next time when I meet her」

第二幕 拜訪 啟程

The next morning the teacher entered the classroom and found out that the wall had been destroyed and was in a mess. He was so shocked and angry! After checking his surveillance camera, he knows it was that rough girl, 英台, with whom he had an awkward interaction the last morning. The teacher went to 祝家 immediately…
老師：「Master祝,please take your daughter in your hand. I know she truly likes painting, but she cannot take my classroom as a canvas!! She actually took advantage of darkness of the night and left the room in a mess. Making up for your daughter』s fault is your responsibility.」歇斯底里狀 比手畫腳的快殺人樣

祝父：「Oh my god!! That stupid girl! What good things she did! I just want to kill her now! Sorry, teacher, I』ll punish her. Please don』t make what happened widely known and I will pay for the damages.」

祝父安撫老師，送出門去，沖進家裡
祝父（大叫）：「英台，Come out of that damn room right now and come in to the living room. I said 『now』; not tomorrow, not next year, NOW!」英台困惑地走出來
祝父罵：「What』s wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? You actually caused a lot of trouble at the school! You have lost the face of the 祝 family.」羞愧地摸額頭搖頭
英台：「That wasn』t my original intention. The fuddy-ddy didn』t give me the admission to the school. Papa, you』ve always rapped me over the knuckles and nagged on my head since I was a child, and...and you don』t even know how much of my favorite paint I had to waste because of that…square headed teacher. If he and you still forbid me from entering school then… I』m not sure if I will be able to stop my hands from opening the other cans of paint.」
英台威脅 祝父驚嚇狀，發抖地一語不發。祝母跑進
祝母：「Honey, calm down. Keep your cool and let her go.」扶祝父手痛哭狀 英台得意貌
祝父：「All right, just do what you want. When you reach the age of maturity, I will let you leave this house. And then you will know what the real world is really like.」。。。。。。

⑻ 要一個大學生英文話劇劇本，不用太長，十五六分鍾就行，六個人演，台詞簡單點，搞笑點的，急需

《 荊珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman劍客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, 「Yingzheng」. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (畫外音：It』s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀) Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） I』m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I』ve told you again and again that you should call me 「my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan」!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什麼，人才！然後拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.

Action II

（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）

荊軻
Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁
Yes.

荊軻
OK. I』m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers』 world.

李莫愁
Are you challenging me?

荊軻
Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意

李莫愁
Come on!

音樂起
兩人沖上前來
「人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。。。」
李莫愁倒地
荊軻大笑

李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren』t you hurt?

荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么，不需要麼，需要麼？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.

荊軻再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to 「How are you」?

荊柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹暈倒

荊柯：Hey, man, I』m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I』m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?

荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：
To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荊柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荊柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荊柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What』s the TCM?

荊柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn』t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What』s the TCM?

觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.

荊柯（激動）：Slimming減食療法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn』t rece my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I』m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……

荊柯(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.

太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大話西遊》主題曲響起）

荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在後.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，並拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）

荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）

荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.

妻子:"I promise."

荊軻:"Never let go. 「

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的台詞。）

妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去

妻子：It』s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

結束！

⑼ 急求大學英語搞笑六人劇本（越多越好，女生演的）

一天計程車司機Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。煩人的女孩、孕婦、搶匪、不管事的警察，甚至還遇到了鬼。。。

Cast

Erin Chang: Robber

Debby Tsai: Police officer

Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl

Alec Zhao: Ghost student

Leo Lee: Taxi driver

Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman

——————————————————————————–

Summary

This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day. First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him. Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous. Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic. At last, he carries a ghost student.

Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy. Serving you is my honor. Where would you like to go?

Betel nut girl: Hi! Tommy. I』m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.

Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem. Um? I remember there』s only a Chong-Shan East Road. Miss, are you sure you』re going to Chong-Shan North Road?

Betel nut girl: Um, I』m not sure. You just drive. Maybe I will remember where it is later.

Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You』re probably not married since you』re so young. Do you have a girlfriend?

Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road. Do you want to have a look?

Betel nut girl: Oh! Not here. By the way, don』t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.

Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I』ll scream!

Betel nut girl: I did nothing! You just missed a nice chance. Stop the car, I want to get off.

Tommy: (Relived) Great! The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.

Betel nut girl: Um! Take it!

Pregnant woman: Hey! Taxi!

Pregnant woman: Thanks. You are real a very kind man.

Tommy: Where are you going?

Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.

Tommy: You』re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.

Pregnant woman: Yeah. It』s almost nine months.

Tommy: Woo. Congratulations.

Pregnant woman: Thank you.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Are you ok?

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can. Stay down.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: We』re almost there.

Pregnant woman: (screaming)

Tommy: Here we are.

Pregnant woman: Are we at the hospital? Well, how much is it?

Tommy: Aren』t you going into labor?

Pregnant woman: Me? Are you kidding? It』s still a long time before the expected date of childbirth.

Tommy: What? Well, what were you just doing?

Pregnant woman: Oh, I was just practicing! This is my first time to have a baby, you know. Practice makes perfect! I need to be ready so it will go smoothly.

Tommy: Practice! All right… well, the total is one hundred twenty dollars.

Tommy: This woman was so strange! I thought she was going to deliver the baby in my car!

Robber: Get out of here, quickly!

Tommy: A strange pregnant woman just got off my car and now here comes a robber.

Tommy: Where do you want to go?

Robber: Shut up! Just drive!

Tommy: Hey…Hey. Be careful, there』s no eye in bullets.

Robber: Shut up! Just drive your car.

Tommy: Ok! Ok! You are the boss.

Robber: Hum…your gold necklace is very good looking. If it were on my neck, that would be nice.

Tommy: Oh…com…come on, don』t do this to me. This is a fake one. I just try to look tough by wearing it.

Robber: STOP nonsense!! Don』t treat me like a fool, I warn you! I will shoot you!

Tommy: OK! OK! Take it easy. My mouth is sealed.

Robber: …. I don』t want to do this …really… but I have 6 brothers, 7 sisters and 8 kids to feed. I even have to sell chewing gums, raise pigs. The worse of all, my husband just got out of the jail…I really have no choice.

Tommy: Don』t be so sad…. Here is tissue.

Robber: Thank you. Now give me your gold necklace! Hurry up! Do you want to eat bullets!!

Tommy: But…but…but….

Robber: Just hand it to me or I』ll become a really bad guy!!

Tommy: I don』t want to die yet.

The police: Beep~Beep~ stop the car.

Tommy: OH! Thank God! I am safe now! Hey, cop, a robber wants to rob me and….

Police officer: Show me your license and registration.

Tommy: But…sir.…I got a robber in my back….

Police officer: I only watch out for traffic! The public security is not my business.

Tommy: Not your business? But…

Police officer: Here』s your ticket. You were speeding.

Tommy: But I got a robber in my car! She told me if I couldn』t drive fast enough, she』d shoot me.

Police officer: And where is the robber?

Tommy: Just right over….what!! She』s gone; she was here just now….

<
p>Police officer: See….your lie is stupid… Remember to take the ticket.

Tommy: Sir! Sir!

Tommy: I』m so unlucky. Today is not my day! Oh, no! How did I come to this middle-of-nowhere? Someone』s waving at me. Who would take a taxi in this strange place?

Tommy: Hello! Serving you is my honor. Where do you want to go? Ghost student: To my home, please.

Tommy: Um…can you say it more clearly? I don』t know where your home is.

Ghost student: Oh, my home is located on Ta-Du Mountain.

Tommy: No problem. Um… it』s an unusual place to live.

Ghost student: Yes. It』s very special. My ancestors all lived here.

Tommy: Oh! You』ve lived here for a long time, right?

Ghost student: That』s right.

Tommy: Here we are, but I don』t see any houses around. By the way, it』s so dark here.

Ghost student: Don』t be so surprised. We』re in the mountain.

Tommy: Are you sure your home is here?

Ghost student: Yes. How much is it?

Tommy: Um…The total is 100 dollars.

Ghost student: I only have a 500 dollars bill.

Tommy: That』s OK, I can give you change.

Ghost student: There you go.

Tommy: Um… What』s this?

Ghost student: Money.

Tommy: But…where did he go? Oh, no!…This is…ghost money…(screaming)