大學三分鍾英語搞笑故事

㈠ 急求一篇英語幽默小故事，三分鍾左右。

Let
me
take
it
down
An
elephant
said
to
a
mouse
,"no
doubt
that
you
are
the
smallest
znd
most
useless
thing
that
Ihave
e
ver
seen
."
"Pless
,say
it
again
.Let
me
take
it
down
."the
mouse
said
."I
will
tell
a
flea
what
I
know."
為我所用
一頭大象對一隻小老鼠說：「你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西.」
「請再說一遍,讓我把它記下來.」老鼠說.「我要講給我認識的一隻跳蚤聽.
Fox
and
cock
One
morning
a
fox
sees
a
cock.He
think,"This
is
my
breakfast.''
He
comes
up
to
the
cock
and
says,"I
know
you
can
sing
very
well.Can
you
sing
for
me?''The
cock
is
glad.He
closes
his
eyes
and
begins
to
sing.The
fox
sees
that
and
caches
him
in
his
mouth
and
carries
him
away.The
people
in
the
field
see
the
fox.They
cry,"Look,look!The
fox
is
carrying
the
cock
away.''The
cock
says
to
the
fox,"Mr
Fox,do
you
understand?The
people
say
you
are
carrying
their
cock
away.Tell
them
it
is
yours.Not
theirs.''
The
fox
opens
his
mouth
ang
says,"The
cock
is
mine,not
yours.''Just
then
the
cock
runs
away
from
the
fox
and
flies
into
the
tree.狐狸和公雞
一天早上,一隻狐狸看到了一隻公雞.他想：這是我的早餐.他朝公雞走來,對他說：「我知道,你能唱得很好聽,你能唱給我聽么?」公雞特別開心.他閉上眼睛開始唱歌.狐狸看到這些抓住它叼到自己的嘴裡走了.在田地里的人們看到了狐狸.大喊大叫：「看,看!狐狸抓住公雞逃走了.」公雞對狐狸說：「狐狸先生,你能理解么?人們認為你叼走了公雞.告訴他們這是你的,不是他們的.」
狐狸張開她的嘴說：「公雞是我的,不是你們的.」就在那時,公雞跑到了樹下.

㈡ 關於三分鍾英語幽默小故事有哪些

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John『s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy『s family name, so when he saw John『s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個月

第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

「你多大了?」軍醫問。

「十八，長官。」約翰說。

「可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?」

約翰臉紅了，說：「哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。」

㈢ 英文3分鍾幽默小故事

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

為我所用
一頭大象對一隻小老鼠說：「你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。」

「請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。」老鼠說。「我要講給我認識的一隻跳蚤聽。

㈣ 求一篇英語的幽默故事，三分鍾左右，在線等

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.

So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?"
這個故事也是在網上找的。看看合適嗎。不知道你在什麼水平。有兩百字左右，應該可以講三分鍾吧。還挺有意思的，生詞也不多。

㈤ 大學生3分鍾英語搞笑故事帶翻譯

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. 「 We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.」 The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn』t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn』t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, 「 Wait here,」 said the policeman 「 Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I』ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.」

警察與小偷
一次， 一個新上任的警察在小鎮上抓住了一個小偷，他決定把這小偷押送到城裡警察局去。在路上，他們路過了一家麵包店。「我們沒帶吃的，呆會兒肯定會餓的，讓我去給咱們買點麵包。你在這等等我啊。」小偷說道。
警察同意了，並在街上等了很長一段時間，但是，小偷一直沒有從商店出來。警察開始擔心了，他跑進商店，除了一扇開著的後門，他什麼也沒看見。
警察不得不很郁悶的獨自回到了警察局。
幸運的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。當他們路過同一條街，同一家商店時，「在這等著我，」警察說道，「上次，你從這家商店溜了，這次，我去買麵包，你必須在這等我！」

㈥ 求一篇可以講三分鍾的英文有趣的小故事。。

immy: What key has legs and can't open doors?
Helen: A turkey.

Jimmy: 哪種鑰匙有腿，但不能開門？

Helen: 火雞。
A Smart Housewife.

A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

精明的家庭主婦

一位精明的家庭主婦聽人說有一種爐子用起來可以比她現在用的爐子省一半的煤。她聽了大為興奮，說：「那太好了！一個爐子可以省一半的煤，那麼如果我買兩個爐子的話，不就可以把煤全都省下來了嗎？」
But the teacher cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

可是老師哭了

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：「學校怎麼樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？」

「哭？」約翰問，「不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。」

㈦ 求一個三分鍾的英文小故事或笑話（帶中文翻譯）

Helen

Helen was the most beautiful woman of the world．She was an infamous lady．She lighted the flames of the Trojan war and brought extreme destruction on the city of Troy．Helen was the daughter of Zeus．Helen's matchless beauty and charms drew towards her many heroes from all parts of Greece.

When still small she was carried off by Theseus，who wished to have a divine wife ．But she was rescued later by her brother Castor，and brought back to her native land．Her stepfather married her to Menelaus，king of Sparta．

Nothing of importance had happened to her married life until Paris came to visit Sparta．Helen was attracted by Paris' lovely face．They stole one another's love in the absence of Menelausand then eloped on board a ship to Troy．Helen left her young daughter behind．To get Helen back，the Greek army sailed across and laid a long siege to the city of Troy ．

Helen was quietly weaving her story into a web of golden carpet one day when she was called up the city walls of Troy to look at the fighting between Menelaus and Paris．Menelaus was determined to kill Paris in the battle．Sitting by the side of King Priam，she told the chiefs of the Greek side to him．Tears of love filled up her eyes when she saw her first husband down below．After Paris fled the field she had the feelings of love and scorn．She encouraged Hector and Paris to take the field again and sincerely mourned the death of the true hero Hector. But when Odysseus and Diomedes came in disguise to steal the Palladium，she helped them to do so as much as she could．After Paris died in battle she became the wife of another son of Priam．

In the meantime Menelaus was anxiously searching for Helen in the ruined palaces of Troy．Aphrodite had made Helen more beautiful，so that，when he finally found her trembling in a corner，Menelaus was most unwilling to bring his sword down on her charming face．Menelaus felt secretly overjoyed to have his wife back again．Following Menelaus through the ruins of the city，Helen felt ashamed of her impure behaviour．And she was truly scared at the terrible fate she was to have in the Greek Camp．

Once more her beauty saved her．No one could bring him self to thrust his sword into such a charming and graceful lady．In the tent of Menelaus she threw herself at the feet of the Spartan king，asking for forgiveness ．Moved by the scene，Menelaus helped her up and let her forget the past．He held her in his arms while she had tears of grief and happiness．The pair loved each other like before and vanished in the far west．

海倫是世上最美麗的女人。她也是一位臭名昭著的女人。她點燃了特洛伊的戰火，並給特洛伊城造成了巨大的破壞。海倫是宙斯的女兒。她無可匹敵的美麗和魁力使希臘各地的英雄們都迷戀於她。她小的時候被提修斯掠走。提修斯想有一個神性的妻子。但後來海倫被其兄卡斯特救出，帶回到了故土。海倫的繼父將她嫁給了斯巴達的國王墨涅勞斯。

在帕利斯來訪斯巴達之前，海倫的婚姻生活比較平靜。海倫被帕利斯可愛的面容迷住。當墨涅勞斯國王不在時，他們就相互偷情，之後一起乘船私奔到了特洛伊城。海倫將幼小的女兒留在了斯巴達。為了奪回海倫，希臘軍隊越過海峽，將特洛伊城緊緊包圍。

一天正當海倫靜靜地將自己的經歷編織成一塊金色的地毯時，有人叫她在特洛伊城上觀看墨涅勞斯和帕利斯的決斗。墨涅勞斯決心殺死帕利斯。坐在皮安姆國王旁邊，她將希臘一方的首領告訴了國王。當她看到城牆下前夫的身影時，愛的熱淚流滿了眼簾。帕利斯戰敗逃離戰場後，她的感覺是既愛又卑視。她鼓勵海格特和帕利斯再次走上戰場，並真誠地為真正的英雄海格特的死而哀痛。但當奧德修斯和狄俄墨德斯化裝後來偷竊雅典娜神像時，她竭盡全力幫助了她們。帕利斯戰死後，她成了皮安姆國王另一個兒子的妻子。

與此同時墨涅勞斯焦急地在毀壞的特洛伊宮中尋找海倫。愛神阿芙羅狄蒂使海倫變得更美麗了。結果當墨涅勞斯終於發現躲在角落中發抖的海倫時，極不情願將利劍刺向她那迷人的面孔。而他內心正為奪回海倫暗自高興，海倫跟隨墨涅勞斯穿過特洛伊城的廢墟，她深為自己的不潔行為感到恥辱。一想到自己將在希臘軍營中遭受的命運，她就心驚膽顫。

她的美麗再次拯救了她。沒有人能忍心將劍刺向令人銷魂，嫵媚動人的女子之身。在墨涅勞斯的帳篷中，海倫跪在斯巴達國王的腳下，乞求饒恕。看到眼前的情形，墨涅勞斯深受感動，他扶起海倫，讓她忘掉過去的一切。墨涅勞斯將她抱起來時，海倫的兩眼流出幸福與悲傷的淚水。他們倆像以前那樣相愛，一同消失在遙遠的西方。 提問人的追問 2010-02-02 19:46 …好長…有些單詞不認識… 回答人的補充 2010-02-05 12:37 Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似

18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。

我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

這個行嗎

㈧ 英語故事帶翻譯 幽默 3分鍾左右

The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【譯文】 老貓 一位老婦有隻貓，這只貓很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了東西，因為它年紀太大了。一天，老貓發現一隻老鼠，它跳過去抓這只老鼠，然而，它咬不住這只老鼠。因此，老鼠從它的嘴邊溜掉了，因為老貓咬不了它。 於是，老婦很生氣，因為老貓沒有把老鼠咬死。她開始打這只貓，貓說：「不要打你的老僕人，我已經為你服務了很多年，而且還願意為你效勞，但是，我實在太老了，對年紀大的不要這么無情，要記住老年人在年青時所做過的有益的事情。」